I remember when the word “culture” made me think of exotic food, traditional clothing, festive dances, and unique music. I’ve learned that these charming elements help you understand a culture just as much as an individual’s hairstyle will tell you if they would make a good spouse: it might be a starting point, but it is the very definition of superficial. The fact is that culture is everything that tells you what is “normal”. This understanding of “normal” comes from the country you’re raised in, sure, but just as much from your local community, education, family, and personal experience. In many ways everyone has their own individual “culture,” and the patterns of an entire country are simply the broadest behavioral patterns we can apply to massive groups. But whether we’re talking about individual or national culture, it is so deep-seated that it look me a very long time to realize that my perspectives and reactions to the behavior of others was dictated by just that, my culture. Culture dictates serious issues such as how much control I expect to have over my life, the role (and use) of children in a community, the status of women, what is and isn’t food, what is and isn’t polite, what is the meaning of life, what is the purpose of friendship or love, and even what it truth. It should be clear how the interaction of people from different cultures can be a recipe for friction at best and violent conflict at worst.
This deeper appreciation for the scope of “culture” led me to two take-aways. First, it is completely natural to have difficulty and even traumatic experiences when trying to “adapt.” Even after realizing that our differences were cultural I still experienced an instinctive fight-or-flight defensive reaction when Indian men would lock onto me with their unblinking stare, or fumed internally when a “line” for a bus in Africa would immediately dissolve into a shoving match. I think the key is not adaptation, in the sense that you accept the new behavior as normal, but rather tolerance and experimentation. After a certain age your definition of “normal” is going to change only at a glacial pace if at all, so remind yourself that this behavior is normal for them and be willing to try it out yourself. Be ready to give yourself a break whenever you’re fed-up and need to vent to other foreigners, as long as it is not mean-spirited or arguing for the superiority of your culture.
It might sound like I’m a proponent of cultural relativism, which is not the case. The second take-away about culture is that just because something is “normal” within a cultural context does not mean you have to accept it. This was a major conflict for me when I encountered (what I considered to be) abuse of children in an environment that considered it “normal.” Should I intervene or protest, knowing that no one would understand the insertion of my own cultural norms onto their lives? Should I try to extend my policy of “tolerance,” knowing that they saw nothing wrong in their behavior? Ultimately I decided that the abuse I was witnessing was wrong in a way that superseded cultural norms, and I tried to stand up against it (to little effect, predictably). Let’s remember that wife-burning, slavery, trial by ordeal, female circumcision, etc. have all been absolutely “normal” in many cultures, and some continue to be. The fact that they are “cultural” should not stop us from speaking out against them and trying to eradicate these oppressive practices. My golden rule is that one person’ freedom stops where another person’s freedom begins, and any practice that takes away the control of someone over their own life or body is wrong, culture or not. But my golden rule is influenced by my own culture, and you will have to find your own.
It is seriously hard to come to grips with culture, and I know that as long as I live abroad it will always challenge me to question my own assumptions of what is “normal” and to stand up for what I truly believe.
